driving since I was a babe...

OK so getting pretty personal on this (but maybe this will impact or connect with someone)

what drives me...what has driven me....

as a young girl at the age of 6year old I was witness to a marriage that just wasn't working out. My parents met right before they had me (I sealed the deal you could say). So as a child witnessing, usually they trying to shelter me from all what was going on (kids' are smart parents-they know more than you know/think they do) My drive was to always be what they wanted me to be.
I was a pageant Queen at this age and also was  a great skater/ dancer (very Renaissance)

As a preteen my drive was to fit in. Being the older of two girls with a single Dad, it was hard to connect with him with all what was going on hormonally, physically and emotionally. We moved A LOT (military brat) and somehow always found a way to be interesting to the other girls in my class. I was pretty confident at a young age and the fact that I was much too mature helped as well.

Teen years ugh do not have a clue what my drive was... definitely got lazy with my grades but if I had to pick one thing or person it was my grandmother.. At one point in HS I worked 3jobs and was president of like 4 clubs and was involved with cheer leading. Grandma helped me talk through a lot of my emotions and struggles at this time of my life and help keep things in perspective (still much too mature for my age at this time-for the most part)

After HS my drive was working, working,working. I was sooo convinced that starting a career early would have me at corporate level by the time I was 30...guess again, although I was in a corporate environment at one point and my drive could have gotten me somewhere bigger..it just wasn't my path.

My drive since has had quite the range...family, friends, and always God.

Currently my drive is becoming better educated and to transfer to finish up a degree to become a Civil Engineer. the main driver is that I want children more than anything. The times that we are in are not stable and I refuse to depend on anyone to take care of me or my imaginary children (gov especially). So I am working my butt off and stressing to achieve my latest and greatest goal.
People sometimes laugh when I say I am a returning adult student and my drive is my imaginary children.
A couple years ago I stopped and thought about what I really, really wanted and that was to be a mom. A real mom not just to some puppies (my current pacifier). I was not in a relationship so I knew if I was to become a mom I would have to do it in an unconventional way... use your imagination here.. but my current (pretty awesome ) job has a crazy schedule and market isn't always stable so I decided to go back to school for something I knew (as a strong woman) I would have no problem keeping ad have a pretty great income.


+++so there it is my drives and a little more info than needed but still interesting to read+++

Spring is here....well kinda

The weather outside (has been) frightful.... Tuesday I woke up extremely late and decided instead of freaking out and being stressed out or feeling guilty I would do something outside or around the house to make me happy.

one of the bulbs I planted were bi-color peony

I enjoy a clean house what can I say. Not going to feel ashamed about it or embarrassed to admit it. Yeah there are far more amazing things in life but who can deny the pleasure of walking into a clean, picked up house...not me! So I started out by cleaning my filthy (to me) kitchen. The windows were opened so I decided to do some yard work and surprise Jake. I started some laundry which was nice to smell outside while cutting grass.

a snowy inside of pic of our windows

Our house sits on the bluffs of 157 which out look the city lights (at night) and bluff woods during the day. The back of the house is mostly large windows so you feel the weather inside the house....it's quite wonderful (not to brag). Laying on the couch watching a movie, you don't feel as guilty not being outside because you feel like you are. Today was different, I felt like I had to be (actually) outside.
The yard work was a nice work out. I unwind the yard work session by planting some bulbs in large pots to transplant next year. It was so nice.

Before cutting grass, I took the pups for a ride in the car to the local feed shop. There you can buy all kinds of goodies. Their favorite is the giant bone treats and meat (i think) sticks which keep them occupied for long periods of time and not wanting to chew on things in the house they aren't supposed to chew. Plus they absolutely love car rides.
The pups played outside while I did a small amount of planting. It was a dream day...minus the sinus headache I had the entire day.
I even listened to the jazz station while I was driving the pups. Jazz and me go back. It winds me down and helps me not to think.
My favorite all time activity to do is getting lost in music. I do not discriminate with music, I love all types. I just have to be in a certain mood for certain music. Happy Tuesday to me!

living thru stuff....

Life brings surprises good and bad when you least expect it. Take last week for instance....my mother pasted away suddenly. I am not willing (just yet) to go into the details but it wasn't expected and she didn't have all her ducks in a row ready for this either... Which makes the grieving even harder because being so far away you have to think about why you're driving almost 9hrs there and back. When you finally get there you have to settle things like funeral, death certificate, and estate stuff....trust me you don't want to go thru this even when your parent has everything ready for you to handle but it makes it harder when they don't because ugliness comes out from people you have known your whole life.


enough of that... well Jake has been the best. He took off the day after I found out to be at home to deal with the dogs' drama and be there for me. What a blessing he is. I was and still am an emotional roller coaster. I think long car rides can make or break a relationship...yeah 9hrs is not THAT long but driving it with a sister you mix like water and oil can drive someone to leave you even in times like this. TRUST ME you do not want to be around me and my youngest sister together for more than an hour. Jake was great he listened and would TRY and coach us through our issues with each other.. funny and worked for like a few hours then we were at it again.



photo booth at a wedding...love these pics

 The long drive was nice though because we talked about everything. I am so sad about losing my mother. So sad and still cannot believe this is happening.
I am so glad that Jake is in my life, especially now. I cannot wait to be engaged, married and have children with him. Hi family is also my rock. They offered to drive up with me when I had to go back to handle legals,etc. My family is great too don't get me wrong but they do not have to be there and they were.



us on the couch at Christmas

 My job on the other hand completely shocked me....I won't go there. Thank you my boss but that is about it. Anyone looking for someone with 10years management experience??? lol totally joking.

not meaning to rant just thought I would share...Thank you to my instructors as well...you guys and gal are AMAZING! xox

Tiff's top 5....flowers

".........These are a few of my favorite things..."

in my opinion the best color to get!

 I am such a girl right now but I am willing to admit to LOVING to get flowers (hint Jake).
My all time favorite flower is available at Easter time. I guess what I love most about this flower is the smell.. It is sooo sweet. They are not very expensive and you can usually find them everywhere. They are a great gift to bring to a Easter dinner or have a a table setting. I place them throughout my house to remind me how pretty it is about to get outside... Unfortunately I do not have a greenthumb (YET) and I end up with a semi-graveyard of them outside when it is time to plant them. They do comeback every year too. So when your invited to dinner for Easter bring your hostess a flower for her efforts!

spring!

i found this picture online...can you imagine how wonderful this place must smell?

i have never found this color anywhere...so pretty!

 

 

These flowers are called Hyacinths and like I stated before smell amazing!!!!!! I learned while quickly researching that they were the favorite of king Louis XV of France.

My Second favorite flower is the Plumeria blossom. They are found all over Hawaii and make beautiful Leis and head pieces.They are most fragrant at night in order to attract it's pollunating moths. The flower has no nectar.

Tahitian sunset if my favorite color this blossom comes in

pretty in white

My third favorite is also a Hawaiian flower, the Hibiscus. They come in all color and varieties. Every color and variety was the official territorial flower. It wasn't until 1988 that the yellow hibiscus (which is native to the Islands) was selected to represent Hawaii the state.

i can't chose a favorite color but this orange mix sure is in the top

the red is probably the most common color

Hawaii's state flower

Waterlilies are the most interesting to me because how they grow...in the water and wild like. This summer I am going to try to improve (A LOT) my gardening skills. I really want to have a waterlily in my front yard fountain. I just need to find a waterlily that can grow in harsh conditions (me) and shallow water.
Funny story from when I was little... I would always play Indians with my cousins and my name was ALWAYS waterlily not tiger-lily (the famous Indian Princess).

The fourth choice is the Daffodil. The classic spring starter of the season. They come in an array of colors but the most common is the yellow.

the classic

The classic Rose, my fifth and final favorite. Although the list could go on and on I choose the rose. The rose has been used in history all over the world a decorating flower, medicine, small source of vitamin c, and for fragrant purposes. No matter what color they are simply beautiful. I favor the victorian species not the wild open buds.

the wild rose

I love this color mix

Collinsville man pleads guilty in child porn case

Collinsville man pleads guilty in child porn case




"I heard the news today oh boy" - Beatles lyrics to a song that kinda brings tone of the article... well not really.
OK so hear I go. I have wanted to comment on this for quite some time. You see I used to be friends with this man. I can't claim him as a real man because what kind of man would do this?!
I met him in high school. He played football with some of my close friends. He played amazingly if my memory serves me correctly. On Friday nights we would sometimes go to his mom's house and party. (same basement he filmed his porn-gross).

if you have time or the enrgy google him.There are a few articles about him. Some talk about him and his family.

Looking back, it is weird to think of him as a pedophile. A creeper yes but not a pedophile. I guess you can't really tag those people in a crowd though. I breaks my heart for that little girl. I have a little friend a year younger than her and I would seriously kill someone if they took advantage of her in anyway. I cannot believe this?!
Weird enough that it breaks my heart for him that he turned out that way..... He had a tremendous future. He was an all-American football player (or something) in college. Did a lot (academics-wise) more than anyone in his family. What the heck made him into a creep?!
It was news to me that he was into this sort of thing. He never really had a stable girlfriend in high school. He was always really inappropriate though with every girl. Steven NEVER tried anything with me...could be because those boys would have destroyed him.
It makes me sick to my stomach. Not to switch this to me but I just wanted to post something of a reaction to this.
Yeah it is old news but holy crap everytime I think about it I want to cry for that younge girl.
How did it get to that point? How was she able to get to hang out with an adult alone without her mother knowing? How was she able to be his "girlfriend" and repeatidly go to his mom's house without anyone asking questions? Why didn't she tell on him? Who else has he done this too?



It is hard to believe this could happen to anyone. Or that anyone would be able to do such a thing....or that someone would desire a child?

Lucy Lue and Desi too...

So we decided to get our second doggie. Desi is a yellow lab and is 11 months old.
Let me back up and start from the beginning. My Boyfriend's birthday was the 10th and I had teased him that I wanted to get him our second dog. We have wanted to get a buddy for Lucy but Jake thought that it wasn't time. Lucy still needs a bit of training with jumping and little things like that.


Friday after work, Jake told me that he had called the breeder that his Uncle purchased from and there was a dog that we should check out. It was out of nowhere and we hadn't really saved any money for a pure breed. This breeder has a waiting list for some of their dogs. A couple of cardinal's players have gone there too! So if was an opportunity that didn't come around very often. The opportunity was that they had a couple dogs that they were going to breed with from a recent "batch" that weren't perfect. For example one of their testicles didn't drop correctly,etc. They only breed "perfect" dogs. So on a beautiful Saturday we went on a long drive. An hour and a half to get there, even a ferry ride (Brussels), through country side and river roads. It was a great drive . I lived up in the bluffs of Grafton when I was younger, so part of the drive brought me back.
We finally got there and they were dogs everywhere. Different buildings and a huge barn. 88M acres total including farming land and a pond.
Long story short the breeder paired us with our Desi. He was awesome in the truck. We drove from the breeder to Webster Groves animal hospital. The breeder had a deal with that hospital so our first checkup would be free and he still needed his rabies shot. The doctor's office took forever the drive there was ridiculous..I was ready to get home! 2 hrs to get in the checkup room and forever for the vet to come in...He wasn't going to the house how dirty and stinky he was so he needed to go to a groomer. I couldn't describe the smell and doubted that I myself would be able to get his totally cleaned. So to get to a groomer the dog must have had a rabies shot. We called everywhere and ended up getting into Petsmart in Belleville. That was another 2hr ordeal.
We finally got home and introduced the two dogs in the front yard. The rest is history. They are best buds. Right now they are laying together on my feet. We love love love them. They are a bit of a handful at the moment because of Lucy the little one loves to attack him. They play forever then lay next to each other. It is very cute.. Dogs are like children, you can't keep your eyes off them because they are constantly challenging the boundaries. So far so good, just don't ask me in the mornings...They have a 6am pee and eat time and then HAVE to play.They won't go back to bed until I am ready to be awake....Ugh! What did we get ourselves into??????????My favorite thing about Desi is that he is 100lbs and little Lucy attacks him so fiercely. He bites back but nothing like he is capable of.Which I like because we plan on having kids in the next 3 years. He comes to me to save him from her when he gets tired of it.
I will edit and post pics very soon. Jake needs to email me some since my phone pics never show up.

Meaningful and quoted...

"More than at any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we will have the wisdom to choose correctly"-Woody Allen.

This quote inspires to understand that no matter what road you choose you will have to overcome some challenge. There is no easy route to choose in life. Even if you decide to stay dormant and contribute nothing to self or society... This is a path chosen and the challenge is to not full fill anything which could be a hidden psychological goal (or something).
I love this quote because two people could be raised in the same situation and the outcome of each lives result in exact opposites. The human process is so interesting. Life is really what you make of it and what you do with the choices that you make...the paths/crossroads,etc....the word crossroads always gets Bone thugs n Harmony stuck in my head. I miss the 90s lol.

"This we know:
All things are connected
like the blood
Which unites one family.
Whatever befalls the earth
Befalls the sons and daughters of the earth.
Man did not weave the web of life:
He is merely a strand in it.
Whatever he does to the web,
He does to himself."- Chief Seattle

I read this after refecting on the Crossroads quote. How wise this quote is....

"In art, economy is always beauty"-Henry James
Money is what drives many to do what we do. To be an "successful" artist you most get the word out....sex sells so does what is popular.  
It is funny how in society people try and think of themselves as unique. Yes we are to a degree but look around....it's fashion. You can look at a photo and know what year or around what year it was by what people are wearing. The same goes with art. No offense to friends and family (you are all unique) but inspiration is kind of like stealing an idea....my opinion.


"People cannot stand to much reality"-Carl Jung
turn off the tv and look around. The real thing is here and not marketed (ususally).